There are photos and additional links at the bottom.

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Family and Friends,

I’m sure most of you have heard about or seen what’s going on at Occupy Oakland. I understand that some of you do not agree with the methods or messages of the protest, but I’d like you to know what I’ve experienced.

When the protest started, I went down to the plaza to check out the encampment and donate supplies. The camp consisted of individual tents, a large medic tent, an information booth, schedule of meetings and activities, town map, port-a-potties, trash and recycling collection, food service and dish washing center, and children’s area. Large “no smoking” signs were posted around the children’s area, where kids had coloring books, sidewalk chalk, games, and toys. People were happy and self-sufficient. The camp had meetings every evening to address concerns from the occupiers and from the city government. Issues ranging from sanitation to diversity in leadership were raised and addressed. The camp was functioning well, with even a blessing from the mayor.

At around 4:30am on Tuesday 10/25, 400 officers from 16 regional law enforcement agencies raided the sleeping camp. The citizens were told to disperse or be subjected to chemical weapons. People were confused and terrified. Most of those with children or disabilities were able to escape before the attack. When it was clear that many people were not giving up all that they had worked for, the officers fired tear gas, rubber bullets and flash bang grenades into the crowd. People scrambled, chaos ensued. US Marine and Iraq War Veteran Scott Olsen was hit directly in the head with a tear gas canister. When he fell to the ground unconscious, medics rushed to his aid. As they gathered around him, an officer fired a flash bang grenade into the center of the medical team in order to disperse them (video below). Scott Olsen is in critical condition with a fractured skull and is currently in a medically induced coma. Others were hit with rubber bullets, causing their flesh to split open and/or massive bruising. Around 100 people were arrested and taken to 2 jails.

I was not present for the violence that happened that morning, but I went to the jail as soon as I could. As I was driving past the camp, I saw the ruins and burst into tears. Everything was smashed, food on the ground, the once tidy and organized camp now just trashed. I saw the yellow children’s tent, now torn to shreds by police using box cutters (photo attached).

Johnny and I brought coffee and food for prisoners as they were being released. The National Lawyers Guild was on hand to collect reports from released prisoners and offer free legal support. Most people didn’t get out of jail until after 11pm Tuesday night. They told stories of physical abuse and intimidation. One woman in a wheelchair was tear gassed and a man was hit in the face with his own cane. Others came out of jail with no shoes and torn clothes. A medic reported being tear gassed 9 times, her eyes red and face swollen. When people were arrested, the officers at the jail took their wallets, phones, keys, and any other personal property. When released, some people were told the jail had lost all their belongings. They wanted to go back to the camp and get their other things, but we had to tell them it was all gone. The Department of Public Works confiscated and/or destroyed everything.

Please watch this video for an excellent overview of what happened on Tuesday. Fair warning: it’s beautiful, inspirational, terrifying and may be triggering for some.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twN31TVuB_E&feature=colike

The mayor and chief of police gave a press conference last night and claimed that the Oakland Police Department did not use excessive force, including rubber bullets or flash bang grenades. When reporters asked if they had seen the multitude of video and photo evidence of both being used against the people, the mayor and chief of police said they had not. When pressed further, the chief of police said that while OPD had not used those things, he wasn’t sure what sort of force was used by any of the other 15 law enforcement agencies.

Last night I attended the rally to protest the police violence and pass out home made gas masks. Thousands of people gathered peacefully, some dancing, some singing, some holding signs with slogans like “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” and “Police: Protect my right to peaceful assembly”. Fences had been put up around the park were the camp once stood. Using the People’s Mic, the group decided to carefully and peacefully remove the fences and reclaim the park. The fences were taken down and stacked neatly out of the way. A General Assembly was called in the park and a proposal was made for a general strike. Small groups broke out to discuss the proposal. The comments and concerns were voiced and a vote was taken. An overwhelming majority (1484 for, 46 against) voted for a general strike to take place on Wednesday, November 2nd.

After the vote, music started up and people danced and celebrated the retaking of the park. The group then gathered to march to the jail, where almost 100 had been imprisoned the last 15-30 hours. The group peacefully and cautiously took to the street, dancing, laughing, and smiling. People congratulated each other and moved forward. No damage to private or public property could be seen. However there were a few agent provocateurs amongst us. I saw a man start a fire in a trash can. I called out “Fire!” as I extinguished the fire with the contents of my water bottle in the trash can. The arsonist glared at me and said “F**king liberals!”. I yelled back “That’s how we get tear gassed!”. Then I stepped back, pointed at him, and yelled “He’s starting fires! This man is trying to start fires!”. The crowd swelled around him, chastising him accordingly. I tried to keep an eye on him for the rest of the march. We returned to the plaza and more dancing broke out. As far as I know, no vandalism, no arrests. This is what happens *without* police intervention.

Oakland officials have admitted that the raids cost the city more than $1 million, while just yesterday voting to close 5 elementary schools due to budget difficulties. After calls for her resignation, the mayor released a statement late last night reversing her position. She called for “a minimum police presence”. Nonviolent protesters are now allowed to re-occupy the area near City Hall.

Regardless of your political leanings, I hope you are outraged at use of deadly force on peaceful, unarmed protestors exercising their constitutional right to assemble. Please consider getting involved with your local movement. Whether it’s participating in the General Strike on November 2nd, a donation, time as a volunteer or police observer, attendance at rallies, or just forwarding this email- anything helps.

With Love,
Patricia

Takeaway point from the ACLU:
“What happened in Oakland impacts all of us. When police respond to peaceful protest and civil disobedience with excessive force, the result is to make people afraid to exercise their free speech rights. The Constitution was intended to protect us from exactly that.”

More info:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZLyUK0t0vQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpO-lJr2BQY

How to help the injured vet, Scott Olsen: http://goo.gl/oNBy1

http://www.occupyoakland.org/

http://www.insidebayarea.com/top-stories/ci_19194741

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupy_Oakland

http://www.indybay.org/newsitems/2011/10/26/18695442.php#18695445

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/10/27/1030595/-Occupy-Oakland,-HUGE-Reversal-of-Mayors-Policy-%7BScots-Condition-UPGRADE-to-Fair%7D?via=siderec

http://www.amnestyusa.org/news/press-releases/amnesty-international-urges-restraint-as-police-clamp-down-on-occupy-wall-street-protests

Rubber Bullet

Here’s the problem as I see it: A few years ago we had a major financial crisis that almost destroyed our country. If GM and the other affected companies had failed, it would have decimated the lower and middle class of our country, which makes up between 90 and 99% of America. That vast majority of us ended up paying for a bailout in order to save our country. There is an enormous amount of evidence that shows that leaders of the very major corporations that own most of the companies in America engaged in serious fraud that led to the crash that we paid for. Not a single one has been investigated, indicted, or otherwise held responsible for their actions.

What this brings to light is the fact that because corporations are considered individual entities under the law (as dictated by the 14th amendment, which was established to address slavery) the people who run them don’t have to be held responsible for their actions. Thus, they have a shield behind which to do these unethical things which trickle down and systemically destroy the lives of the poor and working class.

At the same time, laws about our political system allow these “people” (corporations) to contribute vast amounts of money to politicians. The corporate lobby (think big oil, big insurance, big pharmaceuticals, big banking, etc) is able to wield such enormous influence politically that this system of protection is perpetuated. There is no real way to hold these people accountable for their fraud and the impact it had on us, and the impact it will have again if no legislative change is made.

Meanwhile we have a political system that eats alive the individuals who would run on any real platform of change, because these corporations give so much money to their pet candidates. The debates, the commercials, the congressional clashes that happen on a daily basis, the arguments that are based on partisanship and not on real data or any collective consciousness – that is all our political system is made up of, in all political parties. The electoral college prevents us from having a “voting revolution”, so the only way that we can tell the government that we will not stand for this blatant abuse is by gathering the 99% of us that bear the brunt of the abuse and saying we will not be quiet until you make change.

It is a complex system of privilege and protection of the wealthy that will only be overthrown, not voted or reasoned out. There are many more facets to the story, and the issues are much more complex and difficult to tease out than I can accurately address in a short blog post. However, this is my “nutshell” version and my own personal reasons for being a part of the movement.

Please check out these websites:

We Are the 99%
Occupy Wall Street

Meet and greet   9:00-11:00      Dallas Eagle
Judges meeting  9:00      Dallas Eagle
Contestant meeting         9:30                 Dallas Eagle
Travel fund auctions       9:00-11:00      Dallas Eagle
Intro and number draw   10:30               Dallas Eagle

Saturday August 27

Interviews                       9:00-12:00      TBA
Bingo                                1:00-3:00        Dallas Eagle
Contestant call             4:00                 Rose Room
VIP party                        6:30-8:00         TMC
Contest                            8:00-10:00      Rose Room
Victory party                10:00-???                Dallas Eagle

 Sunday August 28

Victory Brunch               12:00 noon      Dallas Eagle
Wind down party            3:00 PM         Dallas Eagle

Judges

Master Lady Faye                                head judge      IMsL 2006
Sir Jeffrey Payne                          judge               IML 2009
Lamalani Siverts                     judge               IMsL 2009
Hobbit                                     judge               IMsL 2008
Master Ces                              judge               Founder of WILI
Kristen bootblack                    judge               Gulf Coast Community BootBlack 2010
Solitare                                      judge               Ms Southeast Leather Fetish 2006
Master Jimmie Tucker             alternate Judge            South Central Leatherwoman 2006

Fat-hate is everywhere, and it’s often couched in terms of pseudo-benevolence. Many people who overtly engage in anti-fat talk claim that this mask of benevolence justifies their discrimination and hateful commentary. There are lots of examples and increasing amounts of dialogue happening about this topic, but since that’s not the point of this post I’m not going to talk about it at length. For a brief overview about Fatism check out Bradley University’s The Body Project. If you have more references or information about this topic, please share them in the comments below!

The following quote is (hopefully) of no surprise to anyone:

“Research has documented that women are most often the victims of size discrimination. Perhaps this is because men have traditionally garnered credibility through the power and wealth they accumulate, and women have garnered credibility through how closely they conform to society’s ideals of beauty.” (read the full article)

Any woman who lives in mainstream American culture understands the impact of body image on self-esteem, social acceptance, and general well-being. We are no strangers to self-hate. We are constantly engaged in an unwinnable battle between authenticity and expectation – a deeply powerful love/hate relationship.

One of the reasons I love burlesque so much is that its job is to poke fun, to turn social expectation on its head and exaggerate and illuminate the ludicrous – and truly, the manner in which we fight against our bodies is so deeply ludicrous we could make fun of ourselves all day long!! So much incredible work is being done by burlesque dancers of all sizes and body shapes, and audiences and fans around the world are responding in overwhelmingly positive ways.

But honestly, it’s hard to get up there and reveal ourselves, no matter what kind of body we have. We do it, and we love it and feel liberated by it, but that doesn’t make it easy. We all have times where we feel too fat or too skinny, like our boobs are too big or too small or uneven or wrong, and sometimes we just feel dammed unpretty. I truly, truly love burlesquers of all genders and body shapes because I think the ability to manage these feelings and still find authentic power speaks volumes about the person’s character.

The truth is, I worry about my body before every show. I worry about cameras and what kinds of pictures are going to be posted on facebook. I worry about how I sit, how I stand, and how I jiggle. And even though my head knows that I’d rather be real than perfect any day, my heart still fears the social backlash. I do a lot of self-affirmation on show days, that’s for sure!

But you know, I realized something yesterday, in the midst of the twitter-angst. I realized that even the so-called fat-positive dialogue focuses more on why fatism is harmful than it does on any real body positivity. I think it stands to reason that until our everyday dialogue actively celebrates women’s bodies, we won’t start feeling better! So fiiiinally I’m getting to the heart of why I started writing this post….

I Love Fat Burlesque Dancers
(I love the skinnies too, but this is a special shout out to my sisters of size)

I went to the Dita von Teese show a few weeks ago, which was truly spectacular. Her costuming was breathtaking and her acts were beautiful.  I felt awed by her, mesmerized, and quite often felt like I was looking at living art. When Dirty Martini came on stage, though, I was totally blown away.  I laughed with her, was amazed by her, and felt…. well, I felt sexy! I felt connected on  a real level. Watching her, I felt like I got a glimpse of her as a real person… which is really the art of the tease at its best.

The reality is, I am not turned on by this barbie-doll image of women’s bodies that we’ve been sold on for so long, and neither are most of the people I know. I think that marketers have done a great job of keeping us dissatisfied so that we have to keep buying. But curvy burlesque dancers are like my church – they keep reminding me that I don’t want to keep buying the commercial myth of beauty. I wanna keep buying THEM!

Even though a real woman’s body presented with power and confidence is at the top of my sexy-qualities list, I also just really love the bump-and-grind! I love the ways that curvy women can move – it evokes a sense of fluidity and fullness that cannot be conveyed by costumes or sets. When I see a thick, sexy woman owning the power of her body, I feel powerful too. And the boobies…. ohhh the boobies. I have a deep, desperate desire to mash my face in them. I love the way big breasts make that tiny little shimmy with every step – little boobies have to be deliberately shaken, but big tits are constantly beckoning… constantly… mesmerizing…

So here’s my giant thank-you to all the burlesque dancers who jiggle, who flop, who shimmy and shake, who have cellulite and big assess and big tits and big hearts. YOU are one of the reasons this art feels so real and right to me and I am always awed and inspired by you. Please don’t stop the music!

Check out this fantastic video about Fat Burlesque.

Becoming An Interpreter

Like a lot of kids, I learned the sign language alphabet when I was young. I can still remember what it felt like to use a secret language to communicate with my friends, although our conversations mostly consisted of single words like “h-i” and “b-o-r-e-d”. Later, when my high school became one of the first schools in Texas to adopt American Sign Language (ASL) as a foreign language, I was really excited. I had already tried French and Spanish, neither of which really captured my attention, but when I finally convinced my parents to let me take ASL, I was ecstatic. They initially said they didn’t want me to do it because it would be a waste of time – now they like to tell people they knew it would be a great vocation!

When I graduated high school, I went to college on a theatre scholarship. I took more ASL classes and became certified as an interpreter, which seemed to be a good fit professionally since I had my heart set on heading to New York and taking Broadway by storm (interpreting pays fairly well and is a very flexible profession). I had never really planned on being a career interpreter or working directly with people with hearing impairments – it just sort of happened. After a few years, I realized I was a much better teacher than I was an actor, so I decided to teach Deaf kids. I went on to get a master’s degree in Education of the Deaf and taught high school for several years. Now I am back in grad school again, and I interpret here and there – typically kink events, college classes and graduation ceremonies. My primary job, though, is teaching at an interpreter training program – the one I was originally trained at! I love working with new signers and helping to shape their skills.

I got my first interpreter certification in 1997 and have been interpreting ever since. Even when I’ve had other jobs, I’ve always been able to pick up interpreting work here and there.  I’ve done a lot of interpreting within the education system, both in secondary schools and at the college level. I’ve also worked in a variety of community settings, for job interviews and trainings, workshops, dental/medical appointments, cultural events, and so on. It’s been really interesting because I’ve been exposed to a huge variety of information that I might otherwise never have learned about – not to mention the fabulous places I get to go and the things I get to see! One of my favorites was when I interpreted for an Aerosmith and ZZ Top concert, which was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

When Interpreting Met Kink

When I started exploring the BDSM community, I met a wonderful Deaf woman who was one of my first Leather mentors. Even though the law clearly states that anyone holding a public event must provide equal access to all individuals, she was (and still is) frequently unable to attend kink workshops and events because the producers are either unable or unwilling to pay for interpreters. She certainly has room for legal recourse, especially against larger events who could afford to hire an interpreter, but she doesn’t want to bring unwanted attention to our community, nor does she want to lose the connections she has with the community she loves. So, rather than raise a fuss, she continues to request interpreters and, more often than not, she is denied or ignored. Watching her struggle with that, and watching others make inaccurate assumptions about what hearing impaired individuals need (i.e. all Deaf people can read lips – WRONG!) has really been a huge heartbreak for me. For a community that values diversity, unity, and respect, watching her being repeatedly disrespected because of who she is has been really disappointing. Even though I have watched this happen for many years, it still feels fresh – just the other day someone contacted me because they wanted to attend a weekend-long workshop with a very well-known kink educator, but that educator refused to provide an interpreter. It is a constant struggle.

Fortunately, our community is becoming a lot more sensitive about providing interpreters. In my area, the Mr. Texas and Dallas Eagle contests willingly provide interpreters upon request, and Beyond Vanilla provides interpreters every year regardless of requests – which is a pretty powerful accessibility statement! International Mr Leather 2009 Jeffrey Payne founded the SSC Fund (www.SSCFund.org) which helps pay for interpreters at kink and sex-positive events. International Deaf Leather 2009 and 2010 Terry Morrell also does a lot of advocacy and education about interpreters. So, I definitely see change happening, I just wish it would happen faster.

The first time I interpreted JLube Jack’s anal play workshop was an adventure. It required a lot of acting out and drawing pictures in the air, which was highly entertaining for everyone in the room. Interpreting Leather events requires a different set of vocabulary than your average interpreting job would call for!

There is an interesting intersection of interpreter ethics and leather culture. An interpreter is required to remain impartial and not participate in any of the proceedings of the situation they are working in. For example, the interpreter cannot offer any opinions, answer a question, or correct someone. Similarly, the interpreter isn’t supposed to laugh at a joke or express personal reactions like agreement or disagreement unless it is part of the interpreting process. If the interpreter is spoken to directly, they are supposed to interpret the content as if it was spoken to the client. At its core, the idea is that we are like a machine – just passing along information. Would you talk to a computer? No. Then don’t talk to the interpreter! Of course, we are human and have human experiences even while interpreting, but this is just the core idea of how an interpreter functions.

Try telling Leatherfolk that! Leather culture is a unique context to work in – we value collectivism, affection, humor, and… being dirty! Couple that with the fact that many interpreters who work within the kink community are also members of the community, and it can become difficult to be purely professional. Many times I have had speakers address me directly while I’m working. Sometimes speakers will talk about me while I’m working, which is particularly odd (interpreting “wow I have a great view up here! I can stare at Lillith’s ass while I introduce the judges!” is very awkward). Of course, if that were in a professional vanilla setting that would be exceedingly inappropriate for a number of reasons, but when it’s a good friend at a kink event, a comment like that is not necessarily inappropriate. It’s definitely weird to encounter- just a different interpreting experience altogether.

One of the most difficult things to interpret in any context is innuendo. Because I am translating into a different language altogether, not signing English word for word, my job is to process information, translate it, and provide it in another language. So, when someone says something but they obviously mean something different, I have to decide whether to just give the information that was given and allow the client to decipher innuendo or whether to interpret the underlying intention of the sentence, which could deny the client the right to enjoy the innuendo. This happened a LOT at the Aerosmith concert. Pretty much all Aerosmith songs are about sex, right? So do I just interpret the sexual subtext and ignore the words? What if I just interpret the words, is that fair to the clients to ignore the underlying meaning? Innuendo is frequently communicated by more than words – things like tone, volume, and body stance. So for the concert, my team interpreter and I spent a lot of time preparing, trying to find a balance so we could sign the songs in a way that was true to the art form of innuendo.

This happens a lot in kink too. A lot of our humor is based on suggestive language, so interpreting requires creativity. For example, when I interpreted at the Texas Bear Round Up (which had a record setting attendance of over 1500 people, so big congrats to their organizers!), the speaker was commenting on one of the contestants on the stage, and he said “follow the bouncing ball.” On one hand it could be interpreted in it’s traditional sense (as an on-screen guide to follow where you are in a song) or it could be interpreted that they should watch his testicles as they bounce across the stage. Neither translation does the concept justice, nor does it provide access to the humor of it. A skilled interpreter has to find a way to convey both concepts.

Kink vs Vanilla Audiences

Interpreting for a kink audience is definitely different. Sometimes when I interpret in front of vanilla audiences, I have to tone down my expression a little bit when it’s about something that is sexually suggestive. When I interpret and someone says something about sex, I can see people look quickly at me because they want to see how I  sign it (I worked with a teenage student once who liked to say “suck my balls” to other students just to make me sign it – SO obnoxious!). For a kink audience, I don’t have to worry about who is in the audience, and I get to be a lot more creative and expressive about how I explain what’s being talked about.

My pet peeve about kink interpreting, though, is when the speaker looks at me and starts saying dirty words just to watch me sign them. It’s always in good spirit and I know that it’s fun for people, but it’s difficult to do and it feels uncomfortable and disrespectful. I want people to realize that even though it’s cool to watch (and yes, it’s okay for audience members to watch the interpreter!) the reason I am there is to provide access – I am working. It might be fun to do somersaults down the wheelchair ramp, but if someone needed to use it, you’d get out of the way! That’s how I feel about interpreting in kink – I am okay with being talked to or messed with a little, but when it moves the focus away from the fact that I have a job to do, that’s when it goes too far. At IML we joked “don’t pet the service animals!”

Interpreting At International Mr. Leather

Interpreting at IML was absolutely incredible. First, I want to explain that there were three sets of interpreters at the event. Because one of the contestants was Deaf, there were two interpreters that stayed with him throughout the event. There was a team of interpreters who did the onstage, public interpreting during the event, and then there were two of us who stayed with the judge who was hearing impaired. I believe there were seven or eight of us total, but the teams didn’t cross paths that much because we we all working at the same time in different places.

It’s really remarkable when you think about it. How many people have the chance to be the “fly on the wall” inside the judging room at IML? That’s essentially what we were – we interpreted every interview, the between-interview conversations, the lunch conversations, and we were down in the pit during the main portion of the contest – we saw everything in a way that no one else ever gets to do. We had no vested interest in the proceedings, we had no power to affect the course of events – all we did was witness it. Thinking about it in that way feels so profound to me – it was such a privilege and such an honor to spend that time with such incredible community leaders and activists. The kicker, though, is that I cannot talk about it to anyone. Ethically, interpreters are required to protect information in the same way an attorney, therapist, or doctor is required to. That’s one of the primary protections of interpreter licensure, and understandably so. It would be harmful and unfair to the client and to the event for the fly on the wall to start yapping about what went on behind closed doors. So, even though it was such a profound experience for me to witness, that’s about all I can say about it.

Community Issues

I have to say, I love interpreting in kink settings. It’s fun to work in an environment where I feel truly accepted and understood. I am glad that I can help provide access – the Deaf Leather community is so vibrant and bring so much to our community as a whole. Unfortunately, many times they simply cannot participate in our community through no fault of their own. It’s time for us to welcome them and celebrate their unique contributions to who we are as whole. Also, as new people find their way into the community, it is important that we are being clear that they are welcome. Don’t wait for someone to ask – hire and interpreter and get the word out! Let’s build a climate of acceptance and see what happens.

To that end, I’d like to ask community organizations to consider the Sharon St. Cyr fund when you decide what non-profits your fundraising efforts will benefit. Several community leaders have recently called attention to the fact that much of our fundraising does not directly benefit members of our community. The SSC fund is an active organization that, among other things, pays for interpreters to be at events that couldn’t otherwise afford to hire them. This fund makes sure that our community is accessible to everyone and works hard to build bridges between the hearing and Deaf Leather communities. Please consider supporting them, either individually or organizationally – it’s a great way to provide support to our own community.

I do teach a workshop called “Scene Between the Lines: A Hands-On Guide to Kinky Sign Language.” In it, I teach lots of vocabulary (yes, lots of dirty words!) and we talk about how it can be used in BDSM relationships, regardless of whether you can hear or not. People who come to the class also get access to videos of me teaching the signs covered in the workshop, so you can practice and get really good at them!

Playing With People Who Are Hearing-Impaired

Anyone engaging in BDSM play has to pay careful attention to communication, and that’s only magnified when playing with someone who has a communication barrier. To be clear, I am not saying the hearing impaired person has the barrier – if they know sign and the hearing person doesn’t, maybe the hearing person is the one with the language barrier! I make that point because so frequently hearing people think that the Deaf person needs to be the flexible one, or the one who maintains responsibility for effective communication. The barrier doesn’t necessarily belong to either person – you have to use a shared approach.

My first piece of advice is to learn some sign! Learn how to sign five basic phrases in ASL; even if it’s just “do you want a drink,” the message you’re sending is that you’re willing to meet them halfway. Don’t be afraid to use smart phones to text on or write on paper if you need to. Be aware that many Deaf people write in a structure that’s similar to ASL, which is grammatically different than English, so grammar mistakes are not necessarily a reflection of intelligence or education.  Also, don’t be afraid to act things out – remember charades? Very effective. The bottom line is that the point is not to seek perfection, it is to communicate. Anything you do that enhances communication is great.

When playing, be aware of lighting. If the person is a lipreader, they’ll need to be able to see your lips. If they are a signer and you tie their hands, you’re gagging them. If you blindfold them, be aware that you are actually playing with more extreme sensory deprivation because you are cutting off their ability to communicate. That can be lots of fun, but only if you are doing it deliberately! There’s a great video on BehindKink.com that talks about some of these issues – I show it to my kinky sign language classes, and strongly recommend others watch it as well.

Here are some resources if you’re interested in learning more:
DeafNetwork.com
Signingsavvy.com
ASLPro.com

After the long car ride home from Spring Iniquity, during which I spent a lot of time processing the impact of Guy Baldwin’s speech, I stumbled in the door, dropped my purse, and sat down at the computer to write to him. Literally, I didn’t even go to the bathroom first – I was so desperate to get the swirling, nagging thoughts out of my head. It felt really good to get it out, and the community responses have been really helpful at alleviating some of the distress I was (and am) feeling about the whole situation.

It occurred to me, though, that I have never heard a discussion about what a keynote speech should be like. I have served on numerous committees for a variety of events and conferences, both professional and community-based. I have attended tons of conferences (again, both kinky and vanilla), and I have been a guest speaker a number of times. In my experiences as a committee planner, the keynote speaker is typically chosen by a consensus of some sort and given little, if any, information about what might be requested of them.

It occurs to me that this lack of specificity about what qualities make a good speaker, or what the group’s expectations are about the speech itself, does a huge disservice to the planners and attendees of any given conference.  So, I spent some time today thinking about what I, as an audience member, hope to get from a keynote speaker. I also thought about what components I try to attend to when I am a speaker, and I considered what issues a planning committee might want to be sensitive to. What follows is my idea of what makes an effective keynote speaker. They are in no particular order – just some food for thought:

• I appreciate a keynote speaker that has unique experiences, training, knowledge, or ideas that are worth sharing on a large scale.
• I think a keynote speaker should know the population(s) who will be attending and be sure to speak fairly and directly to everyone.
• I believe a keynote speaker should not avoid controversy. A good speaker will tackle difficult issues head-on and will not sugarcoat or minimize potentially inflammatory ideas.
• I appreciate when keynote speakers are cautious to balance challenging or difficult ideas with positive and hopeful messages.
• I like keynote speakers who provide a comprehensive, well-rounded explanation about the topic (unless it’s a more personal approach). I like when speakers provide multiple viewpoints and address the complexity that surrounds any given issue. I like it when speakers don’t assume that the audience has prior knowledge, but provide a fair and balanced explanation of the topic.
• I appreciate a speaker who is careful to choose appropriate, non-judgemental, inclusive terminology. If I hear a speaker using terminology that excludes, denigrates, or ignores certain populations, I am immediately turned off to the message. Some may call it “PC,” I call it awareness and respect.
• It is nice when a speaker recognizes that her or his own experiences are different from everyone else’s. I think it’s important that they avoid making generalizations or assumptions based on their personal experiences. While personal examples and experiences are highly effective tools when speaking, I think a speaker should acknowledge the limitations of a singular experience and address alternative experiences.
• I like speakers who demonstrate personal insight – being aware of and acknowledging personal challenges, biases, and privileges. I like speakers who are open and honest about their own personal experiences and the impact of those experiences.
• I appreciate a speaker who demonstrates social insight. I like when the speaker will attempt to objectively assess the topic from a broader stance and provide listeners with a sense of the wider social impact. I think it’s important to attend to the impact of social systems and, ideally, provide some insight into the community to which they are speaking.
• I appreciate a speaker who will give concrete ways to move forward, whether that means providing a mechanism for continued dialogue, explaining specific actions that may be taken, or by encouraging listeners to find ways to bring the message into their own lives.
• I appreciate it when a speaker will back up factual information with evidence. When citing statistics or making claims about certain populations in a factual manner, I think the speaker should be prepared to support those claims.
• I appreciate when a speaker makes clear when the information presented is based on opinion, observation, or anecdotal evidence.
• I like a speaker who will make me think, will provide new insight, and will leave me with more knowledge than I had before the speech.
• I think a keynote speaker should leave me feeling inspired and motivated. I want to leave with a greater sense of connection with the community as well as a desire to seek more connection.

It may seem like a tall order, but isn’t that the point of a keynote speech?

I welcome other ideas and comments.

Dear Mr. Baldwin

I have to say, I was pretty excited to get to meet you this weekend. As many places as I’ve been and events I’ve attended, I have somehow never had the pleasure of meeting you in person. I have heard a lot about you – as someone who actively seeks out oral history of the Leather community, I hear your name a lot. I talk about you in one of the workshops I present, and I am aware of the work you do professionally. Your book Slavecraft was one of my first purchases when I found the Leather community – not necessarily because I was interested in the topic (although I came to be interested) but because I recognized it as the work of a fellow academic. I am a psychologist-in-training, currently doing a clinical rotation in a counseling center, so in addition to the joy of meeting someone with such a powerful hand in creating this community I so deeply love, I had also hoped to make a professional connection and perhaps seek some advice or support from you in that regard. Academia is one of my “birds of a feather” groups, so this weekend seemed like a good chance to get to flock together with you, at least for a few minutes.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to introduce myself to you. I don’t know yet if it was a momentary setback or a deeper, more long-lasting hurt, but after hearing you speak today, I felt quite strongly that my approach would not be appreciated, and, frankly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to even start that dialogue. Because I believe that your intent was to spark an open discussion about the sensitive topics you addressed, I would like to take a few minutes to contribute to the conversation and offer you some insight on my experience as an audience member.

I read your keynote from last week’s LLC, so I was prepared to be “stirred up” by your address. I realize that your approach is to shake the tree vigorously in the hopes of generating enough energy in people to spark productivity. However, I would like to quite clearly state that I do not believe that you have to piss people off to get them to listen. You didn’t have to hurt me to get me to hear you. I was already ready to listen.

I don’t use my birth name in the work that I do in the community. I have come to a point where I proudly use my chosen name to represent myself, although it was very much a process for me to get to there. Unfortunately, my parents did not  have the foresight to give me a powerful SHero Goddess name, so I had to pick one for myself.

At first, I used my chosen name because I didn’t feel safe. I wasn’t safe. I had recently been the target of a slanderous and devastating (financially and emotionally)  investigation that included the interviewing of my family, friends, and neighbors about my “perverted” interests, as well as extensive covert videotaping of my daily activities. That was a particularly traumatic event in my life, and, since I was teaching high school at the time and the district was, in part, behind the investigation, I was unable to return to that job. It took me a year to stop circling back on the highway in case someone was following me. I still get startled easily.  Five years later I still keep the blinds closed. So when I heard you tell everyone in the room that my fear for my safety was unjust – that I had no reason to feel afraid for my safety – I felt… well, I felt angry. And for some reason I felt ashamed.

I don’t believe it’s fair to say that because gay people are not targeted with the type of physical violence and emotional violation that was experienced in the Stonewall era, they should no longer fear for their safety. I don’t believe that any more than I believe that gays in that era shouldn’t have been afraid because y’all had it better off than the gays in the Holocaust.  Nor do I believe you can assume that a heterosexual person is safe simply because they are straight. I don’t believe you can compare people’s experiences of safety and violence. This world is a lot more dangerous in a lot of ways, especially with the way that the internet functionally eliminates people’s privacy, with or without their consent. But all that aside,  I don’t believe you can shame people into being out. I felt shamed by you and I felt like you were shaming people in there who are walking their path the best they can. I think gentle encouragement and support would be much more effective at creating the change you seek.

My name is no longer used to hide my identity, and I am trying hard not to be ashamed about the fact that it once was. I did the best I could. Now my name has become a driving force, an empowerment, an identity. You forgot to mention that many people have meaningful, chosen names that happen to be different from the ones given to them by their birth parents. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, any more than I feel like there’s something wrong with having chosen families as well as birth families. Choice is powerful. Choosing your own name is powerful. I don’t agree that it’s something to be ashamed of.

As far as those who don’t feel safe, I don’t believe they should be berated or shamed into coming out when they aren’t safe. There are plenty of people who remain the targets of physical violence, including gays, queer people, trans people, sex workers, and yes, even straight people. Just because the crosshairs have moved away from gay men in many ways does not mean that the crosshairs have gone away. They’re just pointed in a different direction. Are you really willing to turn your back now that you’re a little more comfortable? If you are, okay. But please, please don’t encourage others to turn their backs. We all have to fight our common enemies, and that means being a little patient and understanding with people who haven’t come to a point where they feel safe.

So perhaps you’re beginning to see why I didn’t feel comfortable introducing myself to you. You had just finished shaming me for using a scene name – how could I introduce myself to you? How could I tell you my name(s)? But the even bigger heartbreak for me was your statement that I could not be a leader if I was not “out” with my birth name. I know that you don’t know who I am, but I bet if you asked someone in my community, they could tell you. I work really hard for this community. I teach, I serve, I lead, I contribute, I think, I discuss, I share, I play. I do so much, and it is worth so much more than the name by which I do it. Did you mean to invalidate all my work? Did you really mean to say that I shouldn’t bother giving my time and energy unless I’m willing to do it according to your beliefs about my safety and choice?

You went on to say that you, as a gay man, felt you had given all you had to give and that it was time for you to withdraw. I respect that perspective, especially considering how influential you’ve been and how much work you’ve done – I imagine you’re exhausted and ready to retreat and be nurtured by those with whom you identify. But, bigger than that, you claimed that gay men as a group have given all they can, and that they should withdraw. I can appreciate a message of self-care, of creating safe, private space for bonding with your own kind. But the statements you made that claimed that heterosexual people are all take and gays are all give is just plain wrong. I am saddened for the hets in the audience to whom you said “you don’t bring us anything.” I hope that they know that’s not true. I’d be willing to bet that many of the individuals who put on the conference were straight. I know many in the leadership of NLA are straight. Do you really think they have nothing to offer? Our community, our sex, our culture are better for having them. We are stronger for being unified.

Again, I strongly advocate safe space. As the founder of Fresh Leather, one of my core beliefs is that individuals need the chance to be around people that they feel “fit” them. It is natural for us to congregate with people like ourselves – but I believe that is different than asking people to segregate based on a singular diversity variable such as being a gay man. These congregations, these safe spaces fall along the lines of all kinds of diversity variables: age, gender, sexual orientation, kink, education, location, fetish, hobbies, children, etc. These are all valid and valuable variables. I believe that your broad statements devaluing heterosexuals has only created greater division where there was already a divide. I can honestly say that if I were straight, I would seriously be asking myself if Leather, and NLA in particular, really wanted me there. I am a Leatherdyke, and based on your comments today, I am left wondering for the first time if I am really valued in Leather.

I gotta tell you, I busted my ass all weekend. I presented two workshops and interpreted the rest of the time. I didn’t play, I didn’t go to the bar – I worked and slept. Am I to believe that since I used my “scene name” and because I am not a gay man, my work is not good enough?

The topics of being out, scene names, history, safe space, sexual orientation, Leather vs. Kink, leadership… all these topics are fabulous points of conversation. They are sensitive, hot-button issues that need to be discussed, and I value the fact that you are willing to call attention to these types of issues. However, I am deeply, deeply saddened that you choose to spark these dialogues by hurting, belittling, and pissing people off. I truly believe you could have engaged us in thoughtful dialogue while still being caring and kind, and being attentive to how your words would impact those of us who have different experiences than yours.

Perhaps my deepest sorrow in all this, aside from the sad faces and generally downhearted energy that followed your speeches, is those people who are gleefully claiming that this is why they asked you to come.  It seems that many gay men are delighted that the hets were put in their place, that you called out shamefully people who use scene names, and that people are hurt. They are saying that they knew you would piss people off and that was their goal in bringing you. If that’s the case, I don’t know if I will be back to that event – I don’t need to work as hard as I work and give as much of myself as I give if the coordinators are going to be intentionally malicious.

Do the ends really justify the means? You got your dialogue, but you hurt a lot of people in the process. Like you said, there is more than one way to get from point A to point B – I don’t believe you had to choose a hurtful and attacking approach. You have a powerful voice and powerful influence, and I believe that if you chose to be motivational and inspirational, you could be among the best speakers in the world. After today, a great many of us don’t feel motivated or inspired. We feel unimportant, belittled, angry, hurt, lonely, and let down.

You don’t have to hurt me to get me to listen. I am not an emotional masochist. I am a young person, a Leatherdyke, a leader and a student, a mentor and a mentee. I am ready to learn. I sincerely hope to meet you one day, perhaps when my skin is a little thicker and my heart is not quite so on my sleeve. Until then, please accept my thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts on this, and for all the work you have done to create this community that (most of the time) feels like home for me.

With regards and respect,

Lillith Grey

written from my birth heart, though not in my birth name.

Last weekend I had the distinct pleasure of presenting a weekend intensive at the University of Chicago. The buildup to the weekend was kind of crazy – some of my notes from the workshops were missing, so I felt a little frantic trying to piece everything back together. As usual, Synn was a lifesaver, running me around and helping keep track of me and my mess! I was sooo exhausted by Thursday night, she finally sent me to bed and stayed up late finishing laundry and getting me packed. By the time I got on the plane Friday morning I was feeling much better, and things were pretty much in order.

Everyone was freaking me out with all the talk about snow – when I left Dallas it was in the low 70s, and people kept telling me I was going to DIE from the cold! Admittedly, I’m a big ol wuss when it comes to cold weather, but when I got off the plane it wasn’t really that bad. I felt victorious until the next morning when it started snowing and got REALLY cold – if it hadn’t been for the delightful Wren (a thoughtful host with a decidedly charming Shakespearean bent), who showed up on day 2 with earmuffs and gloves, my fingers and ears might literally have frozen off!

So when I arrived Friday, I was picked up at the airport by the event coordinator and Vice President of RACK, Drea, who I had the pleasure of meeting last May at IML. She and I hit it off then so it was awesome to see her again. It’s always wonderful to have such good conversation with another kinky academic. She worked really hard to pull the weekend together, and over the course of the weekend was in the process of working on school requirements (she’s a doc student as well), presenting a grant proposal, and taking care of all the business of the weekend intensive. I was, and continue to be, in awe of her multitasking and juggling skills. University of Chicago and RACK should be very proud to count her among their ranks.

The workshops were well attended, particularly the DSM workshop, and although there were different people at each of the five classes, there was a core group of about 15 or so that were present at all the workshops throughout the weekend. It was a really fun to get to know them, both through their participation in the workshops and during break times and lunches.

Saturday night I went with Wren, Drea, and the lovely and vivacious Belladona (who brought me Molly’s Cupcakes for breakfast!) to LRA, one of the local dungeons. The hidden location and community feel of the place made it feel welcoming and comfortable, almost like our home dungeon in Dallas.  Best of all, I spotted a flying pig pin on the vest of one of the first gentlemen I met that evening, meaning we have a mutual friend! I mentioned to him that I knew the significance of the pin, and we immediately hit it off.

Sunday morning dawned early, and Wren picked me up, bearing my first Dr. Pepper of the whole weekend (talk about a lifesaver!). The workshops were well received, and the Feminist Connection class sparked some fantastic conversation.  Saying goodbye after the whole weekend was a little sad, but I was exhausted and ready for bed. On the way to the airport, though, Wren drove me to a couple of little shoe shops recommended by the stunning Natalya, a Pro Domme who attended the whole weekend. I ended up getting some killer velvet thigh-high heels at Skyscraper Heels before racing to the airport. It would have been irresponsible of me to go to Chicago and not do ANY shopping!

The flight home was uneventful, other than the fact that I sat amongst the finalists for the Rodeo World Cup – a bunch of cowboys speaking mostly Spanish, decked out in denim and leather… what better company to make my way back to Texas! All in all it was a fantastic weekend and I am so honored to have been a part of it. All my love to RACK and all the people who came out that weekend.